In my kitchen hangs a plaque that says “Tend Your Own Garden.” I bought it years ago as a reminder to our family not to be critical of other people. I had kind of stopped seeing it until this week, when a friend came over for lunch and noticed it. I began to re-think those words, and saw something new.
When I bought the plaque my sons were very small. Each of them came into this world with his own little “garden,” and for several years I was the head gardener. I planted and watered and nurtured those things that I hoped would grow into beautiful and nourishing fruit. I was very careful about what I allowed in to the garden, because each son would be eating from that garden for the rest of his life.
As each Harris boy grew, I taught him how to use the tools and techniques that I knew would be useful for him. I gradually stepped back and let him do more of the work. I had to get creative about how I planted seeds, because he sometimes resisted what I was hoping to plant. He didn’t always want me to pull the weeds, some of which I had unknowingly tracked in from my own garden… Through the years, my primary responsibility became pruning. I hate the painful discipline of pruning. It is true what they say, though: it hurts the parent more than the child. The child doesn’t even understand that pruning increases fruitfulness, but parents do.
The time is coming very quickly now that I will step out of my oldest son’s garden for good. I will quietly close the gate behind me, and wait to be invited back in. God willing, he will ask for help when storms and drought come. I will drop everything when he calls, but I will take care not to do the work for him, but listen for what he needs. My greatest hope is that he will invite me in for a visit and a cold glass of iced tea, so we can sit in the shade of fruit trees planted years ago. I pray his garden will be full of fragrance and blossom, and that he will tend his garden daily under the guidance of his heavenly Father.
Now I am realizing I have neglected my own garden a little bit, or even a lot. (Maybe I deliberately avoided my own chores sometimes, with the excuse that my kids needed me more than they actually did.) My garden requires some long-overdue weeding and pruning, and I am not quite sure where to begin. I might be tempted to take over in my aging parents’ gardens to avoid the hard work in my own, but at some point my parents will likely need me as much as my boys did when they were small. Until that time, God has given me a season to do some maintenance of my own, and I am asking His direction about how and where to work first.
In case you think I’ve gone all Ann Voskamp** on you, let’s bring this home with some words from Jesus. On the beach with His disciples after the resurrection, Jesus spends some time with Peter, who had denied His Lord three times. He questions Peter, giving him a chance to declare his love three times, and three times Jesus tells Peter, “Feed My sheep.” Immediately after Peter is restored to fellowship with Jesus, he turns his attention to John, asking, “But Lord, what about this man?” (John 21:21)
It’s an awesome thing Jesus is so patient. We need His longsuffering love so badly. Jesus tells Peter, “If I will that he [John] remain til I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.” (v. 22) When I start to judge how Jesus is dealing with another person, I need to mind my own business, tend my own garden. I can hear Him say to me: “Anna, if I will that he or she {fill in the blank}, what is that to you? You follow Me.” “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” (Galatians 6:4-5 MSG)
Father, forgive me when I focus on the speck in someone else’s eye, and ignore the plank in my own. So often I don’t recognize my own hypocrisy. Teach me to first recognize and remove the plank from my own eye, and then I will actually see clearly to remove the speck from someone else’s. Matthew 7:3-5
Lord, I ask You to show me when I am meddling with other people’s business, because Your Word warns I will suffer if I am busybody in other people’s matters (and so will other people). I often don’t see when I am guilty of this sin. Remind me that each of us will give account of him or herself to You. So it’s not up to me to judge anyone anymore, but instead I need to resolve differences and take care not to be a stumbling block in anyone’s walk with You. 1 Peter 4:5, Romans 14: 12-13
Lord, You alone are my portion and my cup; You make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I pray that I will hope in You alone, and not in another person. Psalm 16: 5-6 NIV
Father, even if I detect that someone else has fallen into sin, I can only correct him under the guidance of Your Spirit. Help me to set that person quietly back on the right path, not with any feeling of superiority, but on guard in case I myself am tempted. Helping others carry their burdens fulfills Your law. If I think too highly of myself for helping another with his or her sin, I am deceiving myself. That very thought proves I am sinful too. Teach me to assess the value of my own work clearly, and then I can be glad when I have done something worth doing without depending on the approval of others. In this way, I learn to “shoulder my own pack.” Galatians 6:1-5 Phillips
Father, in Your Word You instruct parents to train up children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it. Help me trust You to be their good Father always. I pray that I will not provoke my children to anger, but raise them up in Your discipline and instruction. Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4 ESV
Father, may I walk by faith, not by sight. May I walk honestly, as in the day; May I walk in love, as You have loved me. May I walk worthy of You… Being fruitful in every good work, increasing in the knowledge of You. May I walk in the light, as You are in the light, and so have fellowship with those who love You. Romans 8:1, 13:13, 2 Corinthians 5:7, Ephesians 5:2, Colossians 1:10, 1 John1:7
** If you have not read any of Ann Voskamp’s work, you should should- she is very wise. Her writing uses heavily poetic imagery and metaphor. I guess the reality of my sons growing up and my changing role in their lives got me waxing a little poetic this week. Maybe it’s the Mother’s day thing, who knows.